have i done enough?

Bismillahirahmanirrahim

With His blessings,today i have stumbled across some difficulties in life
I am not feeling well lately and it has been a week.And my daughter was down with a high fever too,but luckily subsided after 24 hours of close monitoring and care by me.

Yesterday i received a call from this person and it suddenly raised my worries and guilt.Tho' i have never been the bad guy in any department and my absence has a good purpose and it does not cause harm or trouble to anyone,it still made me feel bad.

And then it hit me.I had a gush of negative thoughts ; what am i doing here ,where am i heading to, what's going on with my life,what if all my salaries has zero baraqah in it , does all my prayers and solah been accepted .. . things like that.

All those thoughts had led me to this:
Self discovery -- i finally know what i want : I want to lead.According to myths,horoscopic predictions,motivational studies etc,(tho i knew it was not good into believing them) they found out that those who were born at the exact month and date as mine,will be a good leader.Amin to that!
I was never a leader.I never had the chance to lead officially.When given work in groups or a team,i admit i was the ones who gave most of the ideas,but in the end being so-called 'compassionate' and 'thoughtful' towards the rest of the teams, (note the sarcasm), i ended up doing all the work on my own.I dont know why but i was being okay with that then.Honestly, i hated to be led.I wish i could lead.So that i can do more with my people.But does that mean the subordinates cant do more?

And then it hit me again.Despite being the ones accepting orders,carry and finishing the orders,is that it?Receiving government sallary at the end of the month and tht's it?Go home,spend some time with families and go to bed,woke up the next day and repeat.Really?
What happened to inspiring people..or giving charities..or do something amazing..or performing the simplest good deed..even smiling to strangers seems like a torture these days.What about travelling the planet to see the hardships the other side of the world have to do to survive..?A leader or no leader,have i done enough to strive for akhirah?

:(

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson